Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Countdown

I'm having trouble staying focused. And I need to get a *lot* done, especially in the work sense.
 
So while I'm not actually "counting down" to my 12-week "vacation", I'm trying to be the all-star I can be so when I return from maternity leave, my job is good standing and my projects have magically managed themselves a-ok while I was out. I do feel bad... who will handle my work? How many projects will I actually have? There's a possibility I'll lose the majority of my projects due to a client selling their sites. That would totally suck. What kind of omen is that?
 
I've already discussed with HR the possibility of logging some part time hours (or one hour) on a weekly basis to keep up with emails and status of my projects. I do finally know most of my projects like the back of my hand. I get a few confused every now and then - mostly in addressing them. Like I have a handful of jobs called "ABC-#" based on what gas station number they are. I have ABC-11, ABC-18, and ABC-19. And I'll be talking about one (and I can see it in my mind), but I'll keep calling it another number. Oops. I did that with my Agriculture projects in Illinois too. A select few were hard to keep their similar sounding names straight. It's like the settlers had no creativity when naming towns in Illinois.
 
I totally digressed. I didn't even have a point. Or maybe I did. Hmmm...
 
Baby G likes to scare his mom. I'm supposed to be doing "kick counts" and paying attention to his movements. 10 kicks/movements/hiccups/roll overs an hour. And time will pass and I won't feel him at all. And then I freak out. I'm very scared and worried something bad will happen. I will be very happy when he is safe and sound in my arms. LOL. Or not. Then starts 18 years of freaking out when he's moving, walking, driving, out late, climbing on things, at the playground, swimming, at the beach... oh my. Am I destined to spend the rest of my life worrying about my kids? Crap. This isn't fun at all! This isn't what I signed up for! Though I have no idea what I signed up for anymore.

I had two doctor appointments last week. My Tuesday one was scheduled and just a check up on my blood sugars. All was good. Then it went to hell and a hand basket and I was calling Friday after breakfast to make an appointment. With travel this week (I'm currently in Springfield), I knew I would have less control and would struggle even more to keep my numbers below their goals. And it is frustrating. It's similar to losing weight. You hop on the scale and you've gained a pound. Do that that after every meal for a week.... that's the level of frustration. Oh, but wait, you aren't just losing weight for yourself. You are under scrutiny to lose weight or lose your child. So yea, when on Friday after breakfast, my normal one toast + 2 egg breakfast that I'd been eating for 3+ weeks was 131 instead of my normal 105, I was pissed off, frustrated, and crying. And that's what it's like to have GD.

For everyone wondering (because I know you all secretly do...) here's a diagram of what the baby looks like. He has run of out room. He has to be completely scrunched up. When he stretches or rolls, my belly very clearly shows it. It's creepy.

Coming up this week  and all weeks after -- very busy! Weekly doctor appointments are on Thursday with ultrasounds on Friday. We also have baby class every Thursday night through the beginning of August. I signed up for Yoga on Sunday nights, and we are still River Walking on Wednesday evenings. I'm in Springfield M-W a handful of the upcoming weeks also. I don't have any wiggle room for more doctor appointments or hormone changes or spikes in blood sugar leading to insulin.
 

No comments: