Liam thinks sleeping, especially at night, is overrated. And he is fussy what seems like all the time.
Most days I am exhausted and I get to stay at home. Jason is exhausted but he has to work. Most week nights I try to do all the getting up, but a few nights I am so exhausted I don't move and don't wake up at all. Jason will be standing next to me holding a crying baby and I won't hear him at all. I am in a coma and most days feel like a zombie. I only start to feel normal after lunch. I haven't had a good nights sleep in what feels like a year. I would guess it's at least been a few months now. If you add up all the sleep I get throughout the day, it probably is 7-9 hours. But it's in 2-3 hour blocks. And that isn't sufficient for my body. At least not yet. I guess I eventually will get used to not having deep sleep. (Since starting this journal entry a week ago, I am starting to feel more rested.)
I feel very selfish complaining about this. Who am I to complain? I have an amazing husband who helps. He even comes home at lunch so I can shower. And he'll get up with Liam too in the middle of the night. How do single moms do it? Or moms with more selfish husbands who don't get up at night?
I also don't have to work. My work loads includes some light housework and caring for Liam. That's it. Jason helps with chores in the evening and weekends. And the cooking. Sometimes I am able to make dinner, sometimes Jason gets home and has to do most of it (like making a salad or heating up the dinner, grilling, serving, and cleaning up.) I actually made dinner the other night - Jason came home to dinner cooked and ready to be dished out. And I think Liam was calm enough that I was able to clean up. Or not, I actually can't remember much about Thursday night. The days run together, and I can't know what day it is.
I eventually will have to return to work, and sometimes think I want to stay home for more than 12 weeks, like 6 months. And then I have days where Liam is fussy all day/night and only wants to be held and/or eat, and I wish I was at work and we had daycare watching over Liam. Then I wonder how daycare handles a newborn. Do they let him sit and cry it out? What if he isn't on a feeding schedule? Will they feed him on demand? Then I start worrying about leaving him and realize I want to stay home longer.
And while it seems like I'm whining about something frivolous - he wants to be held or fed the entire afternoon - and some people would love to sit at home on the couch feeding a newborn or holding him, it is exhausting when he decides one of those two things doesn't satisfy him and he cries, and cries. Jason will sometimes come home and I'm in an uncomfortable sitting position and Liam is sprawled across my lap, finally passed out. Or he's latched on and been that way for an hour. And I like that he's sleeping/latched because he's quiet, but it also means a few things - 1) I can't move, and 2) he won't sleep later in the evening, or 3) my boob is drained dry. I worry the long feeding sessions are draining my milk, not aiding in the creation of milk.
Cloth Diaper Update
On a side note of cloth diapers - I bought liners and they help tremendously!! A little less rinsing of the poo. (Though you don't have to remove breastfed poo from diapers before washing.) I read a bunch of reviews on various liners and decided on the incredibum liners. At the moment, at our house, we do not flush them - they go into our diaper trashcan. Out and about, they can be flushed in the restroom toilet. We are still using some disposables, like at night. We have some newborn size left and it helps since disposables do absorb more than cloth.
We have had a few leaks in the cloth diapers. It's out the upper back, when he is laying down. I'm trying to figure out if the diapers are repelling (I don't think they are because they do absorb pee) or if it's because his penis is pointed upward in the diaper. I can only guess since I don't actually have a penis. We don't have any leaks in disposables.
I wash diapers every other night and hang them up to dry overnight (in the basement.) We have this drying rack and it is great. We also have an oscillating fan and the dehumidifier on to keep the air circulating in the basement in the laundry area. On the weekends I try to wash early morning so they can hang outside and dry - and be bleached by the sun.
So far, so good with the diapers! Decent transition and Jason doesn't hate it.
I feel very selfish complaining about this. Who am I to complain? I have an amazing husband who helps. He even comes home at lunch so I can shower. And he'll get up with Liam too in the middle of the night. How do single moms do it? Or moms with more selfish husbands who don't get up at night?
I also don't have to work. My work loads includes some light housework and caring for Liam. That's it. Jason helps with chores in the evening and weekends. And the cooking. Sometimes I am able to make dinner, sometimes Jason gets home and has to do most of it (like making a salad or heating up the dinner, grilling, serving, and cleaning up.) I actually made dinner the other night - Jason came home to dinner cooked and ready to be dished out. And I think Liam was calm enough that I was able to clean up. Or not, I actually can't remember much about Thursday night. The days run together, and I can't know what day it is.
I eventually will have to return to work, and sometimes think I want to stay home for more than 12 weeks, like 6 months. And then I have days where Liam is fussy all day/night and only wants to be held and/or eat, and I wish I was at work and we had daycare watching over Liam. Then I wonder how daycare handles a newborn. Do they let him sit and cry it out? What if he isn't on a feeding schedule? Will they feed him on demand? Then I start worrying about leaving him and realize I want to stay home longer.
And while it seems like I'm whining about something frivolous - he wants to be held or fed the entire afternoon - and some people would love to sit at home on the couch feeding a newborn or holding him, it is exhausting when he decides one of those two things doesn't satisfy him and he cries, and cries. Jason will sometimes come home and I'm in an uncomfortable sitting position and Liam is sprawled across my lap, finally passed out. Or he's latched on and been that way for an hour. And I like that he's sleeping/latched because he's quiet, but it also means a few things - 1) I can't move, and 2) he won't sleep later in the evening, or 3) my boob is drained dry. I worry the long feeding sessions are draining my milk, not aiding in the creation of milk.
Cloth Diaper Update
On a side note of cloth diapers - I bought liners and they help tremendously!! A little less rinsing of the poo. (Though you don't have to remove breastfed poo from diapers before washing.) I read a bunch of reviews on various liners and decided on the incredibum liners. At the moment, at our house, we do not flush them - they go into our diaper trashcan. Out and about, they can be flushed in the restroom toilet. We are still using some disposables, like at night. We have some newborn size left and it helps since disposables do absorb more than cloth. We have had a few leaks in the cloth diapers. It's out the upper back, when he is laying down. I'm trying to figure out if the diapers are repelling (I don't think they are because they do absorb pee) or if it's because his penis is pointed upward in the diaper. I can only guess since I don't actually have a penis. We don't have any leaks in disposables.
I wash diapers every other night and hang them up to dry overnight (in the basement.) We have this drying rack and it is great. We also have an oscillating fan and the dehumidifier on to keep the air circulating in the basement in the laundry area. On the weekends I try to wash early morning so they can hang outside and dry - and be bleached by the sun.
So far, so good with the diapers! Decent transition and Jason doesn't hate it.
1 comment:
I have been advised by a "boy mom" friend of mine to tuck the penis down in the diaper. That's all the advice I have on this issue as I too do not have a penis and am not a boy mom...yet. 9 more weeks!
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